Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Sad Puppies Bite Back (Part 2)

UPDATE:  It's now a series. Click the Tab above for new content.

Yeah. So, Monday's post went over well.

Very, very well.

Within 36 hours of posting, it was already one of the top ten blogs of all time.

So, something like that requires a sequel...especially when you have half a dozen people literally demanding a sequel. If you didn't read the first one, check it out here.  Be warned, however, it already has a confirmed kill of at least one keyboard that I know of.

Basically, what would happen if certain Sad Puppy supporting authors were targeted for being SWATted.  I missed a few last time, in part because the voices in my head didn't pester me about them.

But when I get requests for a follow-up post? Of course I'm going to give it a shot.


Written with prompts / assistance / thanks to (stolen from?) Jason Clark on Facebook.

[SWAT navigates the mine field, crawls under the barbed wire, and slips past the mysteriously bloodstained crosses lining the walkway]

[ SWAT is about to breach the door with enough C4 to blow open a bunker]

[Tom Kratman, the Grand Strategikon himself, dressed like George Patton, using the voice of a drill Sargent meets George C. Scott ] TEN-HUT

[The SWAT members with military training immediately snap to.  The few non-veteran members look confused, until TK gets in their face.]  I SAID TEN-HUT.

[The last of SWAT complies. TK drifts up and down the line, inspecting all of them.]  I have never seen such an under-equipped, slip-shod entry. Where are your wire clippers! Where are your sappers! Where are your sniper teams! My wife could have taken you out a dozen times by now!

[TK stops and turns, and waves off in one direction.]  Hi honey, I love you!

[TK turns back to the SWAT team] Who trained you people? John Scalzi? Kurds?

[Junior SWAT member stammers]  Buu-u-u-ut, aren't the Kurds supposed to be the good fighters--

[TK] SILENCE, FOOL. Drop and give me fifty. You there, drop your equipment on this man so he knows how to do a REAL push up!

[TK continues inspection] As I was saying, I have never seen a more pathetic attempt at entry. How appalled am I, Sergeant Major?"

[A non-com appears at TK's elbow, also in full uniform, but wearing more guns than the entire SWAT team put together.] Ve-ry Sir.

[TK] Alright. It ap-pears that the only way I'm ever going to get a decent SWATting is to train you myself. Every man, fall back to the FOB. We're going to do this again, and again, and a-gain, until we get it right.  In this second run through, I'm going to use my defenses.  On the third try, I will be using live ammunition.  AM I UNDER-STTOOOOOOODDDD?



Again, thanks to Jason Clark. He posted a suggestion for Kratman, I took it and ran with it.  I'm not sure I ran with it far enough, but we'll see.

I hate to break it to you, but the rest of this post has been moved to a different location. Where, you might ask?


  1. Well _I_ thought it was good enough to get you a modicum of free advertising.

  2. ROFL!

    That was just awesome!

  3. That was hysterically funny. The first one was good, this one was better.

  4. I agree this one's better! I lost to the insane fit of giggles at [TK] SILENCE, FOOL. Drop and give me fifty. You there, drop your equipment on this man so he knows how to do a REAL push up!

  5. The invoice for one (1) keyboard will arrive shortly. The second is being generated as I speak...

    You did miss one thing on Tom's experience, however. Apparently, Sarah lets him borrow the carp trebuchet every so often...

    (Identifier here, since I have none of the other accounts - I am AKA RealityObserver.)

    1. Only when I've got a guest post up and she's going to be away from the computer. Otherwise, she keeps a tight grip on that trebuchet. :D

  6. I've had dreams that were more coherent than this mess.

    1. Whatsamatter, Anon? Wake up on the wrong side of the chair?

  7. Is FX considered network television?

    Just curious.

  8. Hey Mr Finn;

    Loved the encore performances...they are great. On a serious note...I do know that Eric Erickson from "Red State" was SWATTED...and he would talk about. Yes the purveyors of the left will stoop to any tactics to silence those that don't agree with their dogma.

    1. I remember Erickson's SWATTing. Freaking nightmare.

      Thankfully, they would never dare mess with Mr. Garibaldi... or is that Meester Garabaldi!!!! :)


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