Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Checking in: I'm doing funerals and I'm still alive

Welcome to my world. Especially when I'm a little odd, and suffering from jet lag (Why am I so tired? Oh, wait, I'm an hour behind New York).

Not too many details here, but things are interesting.  Last year (okay, maybe the year before), I had to clear out my grandmother's brownstone because it looked like an episode of hoarders that had been rejected because it was too horrifying for viewers. This isn't half as bad, but the decedent was, at times, a bit of a nerd-stereotype when it comes to workspace garbage.

Personally? My attitude towards death is simple: "So he's in Heaven or in Purgatory... on his way to Heaven ... why is everyone crying?"  So, you can imagine how hard I have to work to not sound callous or dismissive, or just plain being a heartless robot. Yes, I'm great fun at funerals, but I have to make sure not to sound like I'm enjoying someone being dead.

Thankfully, one of the people left behind understands that, so I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

Also, funerals are expensive. Thankfully, where I am is not New York. It's a little more midwest. So it's not a $10,000 funeral, but damnit, even obits are expensive. Yeesh.

Death, a growth industry that will never actually die out until the universe explodes.

There are additional complications, but so far, all's well.  I'm basically on point for a few groups. I think I'm a representative, but I'm not certain.

Oh, and yes, I stole today's title from a video game called Portal.

Anyway, I'm trying to think if there's anything else, and I can't really think right now.  There is a combination of funeral services and moving services, so there are funeral homes and there's packing tape.  Sadly, I just got an image of a coffin shut with duct tape. So that tells you where my brain is right about now.

I am currently reading The Martian.  I figured I should find out what the hype was. Also, I knew the author's work from way back when he was a web comic guy. It's fun. And one-liners so far are working wonders.

Yes, I'm the guy at the funeral who brings a book.

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