Monday, November 9, 2015

May the stupid be with you -- Tor on Star Wars, Supergirl and Marvel

Tor, will you people stop being morons for five seconds? Please? That way I don't feel compelled to school your ass?

First, I saw the article on how "Supergirl is a metaphor for Being a Modern Woman," but you know what? I decided to not fisk it from orbit because it was just so stupid.

There's spin, and then there's using the stupid as an alternate energy source.

Especially when I got to the part of "In almost every scene, the Supergirl pilot is about a woman falling short of expectations, usually set by men." ... Except that the most belitting she gets is from her female boss.  Sorry, you have failed this review, this article, and, well, life. Thanks.

But hey, Supergirl is fighting men. And nothing can be good because men exist. And ... tell me how Tor isn't misandrist?

Second, I saw an article literally entitled "Is Marvel Shying Away From A Black Widow Movie Because They Know They’ll Never Get It Right?"  Which is funny because I just saw that Marvel announced a Black Widow movie within the last three months. So congratulations, Tor, you done f**ked it up.  A lot. Again, yet still, already.

Uh huh ... yeah, the entire thing boiled down to the Black Widow "controversy" a few months ago. In short: They're just fretting that Black Widow won't be a feminist movie, because they think their own narratives are the only ones that should be told.

And then, I read through their article asking if Star Wars fans should forgive The Phantom Menace, and if we should.

You know what? That's the point where I realized that Tor is a worthless piece of crap.

Follow this logic, if you can.  The article on Phantom Menace states that at least an hour should be cut from the movie. An hour. After cutting that, you get a tv episode. Maybe less.

And, after going through everything wrong with The Phantom Menace, the article cites a few things that were good about the movie .... and that's it. The article then uses those few breadcrumbs as proof that Star Wars fans should get over ourselves, and seems a little offended that we haven't all ready.

In fact, there is as least one section of the article that states that, well, The Phantom Menace is canon now, and if you don't like it, you can't really be a fan of Star Wars, now can you?

Welcome to hipster-fascism, ladies and gentlemen.

That was the point where I said nope, I'm done. Why fisk them? Why bother? They're obviously too stupid to be followed by actual geeks / nerds. What am I talking about? Think about it.  Three articles that consist of Tor completely talking out of its ass -- either cherry picking elements to back their theories (Supergirl), to ignoring news (Black Widow), to outright telling us to like what they tell us to like (Star Wars).

Tor is just at the point where, screw you, you will think how they will tell you to think, and you're just going to like it, you droob. Why? Because they're Tor, damnit!

Tor, I hate to break it to you, but the more you carry on like this, the more I'm just going to laugh at you when half your columnists at Tor.Com get fired for being dicks.  Focusing on the narrative is one thing, but speaking down to people hoping they're all weak-minded fools who will bow to your sith mind tricks?  Not gonna happen. Tor is either assuming that the readers are either too stupid to form their own opinion (therefore, use Tor's), or the readers' opinion is different from theirs, ergo wrong. And Tor declares its opinion, and that's really enough for them.

Yes, because telling nerds what to think is just SOOOO easy.

I mean, hell. Am I the only one who saw the whole Black Widow movie announcement? Am I really?  Probably not, Tor is probably just setting the groundwork for when they spin the movie later on.

As for Supergirl ... are they really expecting that people will focus only on the cherry picked elements in their column, or are they hoping that none of their members actually SAW THE FREAKING EPISODE!

Seriously, look at this for a second.
Hank Henshaw (David Harewood) in particular sneers at this new superhero, thinking her inept—not because of the level of her powers, which are inarguably super, but because she’s a flighty girl who’s just going to cause more trouble than the levelheaded Superman.
Hey, Tor? Yeah.  Did you miss the part where Henshaw has been fighting aliens for 20 years, and deliberately stated that there are "people who don't trust Superman" and DOESN'T TRUST ALIENS? Seriously, did you watch that episode, or did you just write down everything you perceived to back the narrative spin you had before the episode even aired? This is backed up in the opening scene of the very next episode where Henshaw says that Supergirl shares Superman's taste for wanton destruction.  So ... yeah, narrative failed. Please go and throw yourself down a well or whatever it is you folks over at Tor do when you're losing the culture wars.

Then they really lost me here:
There’s an amusing scene where Kara uses her super-hearing to catch on that her online date is trying to ditch her, but why don’t we know if she uses OkCupid or Tinder?

Uh huh ... sure. Right. Supergirl is going to be using a sex-finding app.  Sure. Of course she is.  Only if, you know, YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF HER CHARACTER. No, really, at this point I have to ask if you know ANYTHING AT ALL OF THE CHARACTER.

The answer is clearly no.

And as for The Phantom Menace ... Tor, do you realize that when you start by saying half the movie could hit the cutting room floor, the answer is clearly and plainly, "No, no one should ever give it another chance"? The answer is right there, at the start of the argument. But then, the article meanders to several split-second things that were halfway entertaining in the film, and declares that it's worth watching and that fans should just "get over it."

I'm sorry, Tor, did I just hear you tell every Star Wars fan to "get a life"?  I think William Shatner is still apologizing for that SNL skit.

So, adios, Tor, I will continue to make fun of you, but today, I think I'm going to be just fine laughing at you wholesale, instead of fisking you line by line. Maybe some other time, hmm? 


  1. "You know what? That's the point where I realized that Tor is a worthless piece of crap."

    Where ave you been these past years?

    Take care.

    1. Until this year, I had not really noticed just how little I read in the way of Tor, nor did I read their little e-newsletter for anything by updates on authors I HAVE read. I generally didn't track publishers of the books I read -- again, until this year.

      Before this, I thought that some people at Tor, somewhere, somehow, would at least be fans of the genre. This proves they're just fans of their own egomania-fueled drivel.

    2. I stopped reading them some time ago. Used to do something similar to your idea, visiting their blog only when there was something someone had remarked upon. And then I read one of those"unless you think this way and that and... oh, that one, too you're an istist" that was beyond ridiculous and was, in fact, likely insulting most of its LEFT wing readers.

      Not that it stopped them from insulting their own writers last season. From outside the blog, certainly, but it does look like a pattern to me. Personally, I stopped buying them about a couple years ago.

      And, frankly, on many many social issues I'm probably more to the left than most US conservatives (man, is that sentence dangerous!), so I really don't see how they expect this to work out for them.

      Take care.

  2. Ha, there's a reason Cat Grant is my favorite character in the show right now. A lot of the people trying to say Supergirl is part of the narrative really should pay attention to every scene her boss is in. She's constantly tearing them apart.


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