Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The First Rule of the Caretaker

The following blog post is not one designed to evoke pity, a bit for sympathy, or note of any particular plight. In fact, the short version is that I'm okay, I will live, nothing is the matter. Technically.

The first rule of taking care of other people is simple: if you don't take care of yourself, you are completely useless to anyone and everyone else. It you turn into a wreck, you have failed. You have failed your friends, you have failed those who rely upon you, and you have failed yourself.

I haven't failed just yet, but I'm close.

I have, over the course of this month-plus, posted haphazardly, neglected my radio show, and I've barely managed to keep in touch with friends, colleagues, and my marketing is at the bare minimum. I can't even keep up with twitter or email.  Think about that a moment. I have problems finding time to delete junk mail.

Among fighter pilots, there is a thing called target focus -- you focus so hard on what you're aiming for, you crash into it. When I'm on a major massive project, I can, occasionally, fall into that.

In short, I'm a little burned out.

Right now, I am home again (home again, jiggity jig), and yet there are moments when I try to relax, I cannot focus, my nerve endings feel like they're firing and my heart rate it spiking. I have had no time to myself for over a month now. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Even though I'm home, I'm having my time eaten up by people who want my attention. Who need my attention.

Of course, I ALSO need to finish everything I've fallen behind on while I was away. Up to and including SIGNING THE CONTRACT FOR BOOK 3 OF MY VAMPIRE SERIES.  Yes, that's right, I had the contract before I left, and I never got a chance to print, sign, scan, and send it into the publisher. And now the brand new printer doesn't want to work. Yay.

I'm going to need alone time now. This may require me to lock myself in a dark room for a while. If I do not reply to your correspondence, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.  There is a reason I have scheduled no new radio programs since my return. Even the idea of ranting and raving is actually something that hurts right now.

I need downtime. And quiet. Mostly quiet.  Quiet I cannot get because I've had repeated phone calls in the two hours it has taken me to write these paltry few hundred words.

In short, I really do need to be left alone.

I'll be posting a lot of Christmas music from here on out. Because it's Christmas. And because I think Christmas music might be the most my nervous system can handle at this minute.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a bah humbug.

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