Thursday, April 14, 2016

Anti-#SadPuppies as Dragon Slayers

The people who have really, really, really hated Puppies of every stripe, have decided that they are going to be Dragon slayers.

In short, it's Puppy Kickers versus the new Dragon Awards.

The cries from the Puppy Kickers? "Oh, DragonCon is just a regional award."

It's the largest SFF convention on the planet. It gets 60,000 members without even breathing hard. In fact, it's probably closer to 100,000, but they low ball their numbers so the fire marshall doesn't shut them down. They should probably move into the nearby convention center, because this is spiraling out of control.

But no, it's "a regional convention." People from all over the world attend. But how cute. They have cast members from Daredevil and Lord of the Rings. How novel. They have an artist alley bigger than the guest list of WorldCon. Such an adorable widdle convention. And of course, because it's so "regional," set in such a "backward state," it excludes all those darned "foreigners" and such.

Yes. Really. I read that as a complaint.

But, as was explained by Hitler the other day: someone might ask why DragonCon gets sixty thousand people every year, and WorldCon can barely bring in a paltry few thousand.

And, hey, how's this for regional: YOU CAN VOTE ONLINE. FROM ANYWHERE. FOR FREE. It's called the internet. Nice to have you join the 21st century. Even the "lousy foreigners" can vote.

Off the top of my head, the guests they've had at the con include: Larry Niven, George R. R. Martin, Neil Gaiman, Robert Anton Wilson, Todd McFarlane, Robert Bloch, Adam West, Jim Steranko, Ray Harryhausen, Harlan Ellison, John Carpenter, Dave Stevens, Julie Schwartz, and the cast of Baen books. And also, in previous years, they've had Ray Bradbury, James Marsters, John Rhys Davies, Ray Park, Olivia, Warren Ellis, Dr. Demento, Peter Davison, Robert Jordan, Anne McCaffrey, George Takei, Mickey Rooney, Summer Glau, George Romero, Laurell K. Hamilton, Sean Astin, Mickey Dolenz, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Patrick Stewart, Adam Savage, Terry Gilliam, Malcolm McDowell, Lois McMaster Bujold, Stan Lee, Michael Whelan, Richard Garfield, Ralph Bakshi, Richard Garriott, Jefferson Starship, Christopher Lloyd, Ernest Borgnine, Boris Vallejo, Carrie Fisher, Amanda Tapping, Martin Landau, and Sylvester McCoy.

... But it's merely a regional convention. No one interesting goes there, mind you.

Hold on, I rolled my eyes so hard, I think they got stuck rolling back into my head. Ow.

Now let's see if we can follow along with the Puppy Kickers, shall we?

Step one, "You guys can participate too, you know."

We do.


Step three: "You know what, fine, you want an award, go make your own, leave ours alone."

Someone does


Do I have this right? Have I got the pattern down? Yeesh, I've dated two women who were unmedicated bipolar, and neither one of them were nearly this prone to outbursts and turning on a dime.

And, of course, the existence of the Dragon Awards is all the fault of the Puppies! Apparently, yes, the Puppies orchestrated this.  Funny, I don't recall us being that organized. Or in any way involved in the setup of DragonCon. The closest we have is John Ringo and his wife, and he's not actually a Puppy -- he doesn't care, or want a Hugo.  Does this make us the Illumipuppy? The Protocols of the Puppies of Zion? Are the Puppies run by the Vatican? The Jesuits? The Opus Dei? Are the Puppies the subject of the next Dan Brown novel?

I'd explain to them that Puppy panels were banned at DragonCon because they didn't want political arguments, they just wanted to have fun, but I'm not sure they understand terms like "apolitical" and "fun."

Maybe someone should explain that being beaten, kicked, libeled and slandered encourages people to go off and play with their own toys.

But, apparently "real fans" don't actually love science fiction. Only "Wrong fans" applaud another venue to promote SF. "Real fans" are only in love with the preservation of their tiny in-bred community. Have fun with that, fellas.

But, hey, if all the Puppy Kickers want to wage war on the Dragon, let them. Every time they decide to expand their enemies list by one, they quadruple the amount of detractors, and lose that many supporters.

So please Puppy Kickers, please denounce Dragon Con. Make enemies out of at least SIXTY THOUSAND people. And lose ALL the supporters you Puppies Kickers might have had have among them. Burn it down, and maybe, as the flames reach you, you'll realize that you locked yourself in the burning building.

Piss off a Puppy Kicker and sign up to vote in the Dragon Awards today. It's free.

.... Maybe vote for Honor at Stake at some point. Heh.


  1. Sad Puppies is controlled by Rabid Puppies, which were started in secret in 1984 as a part of the New World Order; which has nothing to do with government, though, as it was simply an order labeled "New World." This order came at the behest of the Joint Chiefs, who report to the Fed, who report to Opus Dei, who report to the Jesuits, who report to the Vatican, which is controlled by Israel, which is just a puppet state of the Illuminati because they really hate Muslims. And that's all the justification they need for attacking Sad Puppies.

    1. Given that Vox is a huge Umberto Eco fan, it would be highly appropriate if someone Foucault's Pendulums this mess.

    2. Sadly, I'm waiting for a Puppy Kicker to take this seriously and report it as fact.

  2. "And, of course, the existence of the Dragon Awards is all the fault of the Puppies!"

    That we can say, sort of straightfaced, that there IS a FAULT in the creation of a new award is sad.

    Take care.

  3. The Council on Puppy Relations has referred the issue up to the Tri-Puppy Commission, which passed the buck up to the Puppybergers, who referred it to Queen Elizabeth's Yorkies for an opinion.

  4. The Council on Puppy Relations has referred the issue up to the Tri-Puppy Commission, which passed the buck up to the Puppybergers, who referred it to Queen Elizabeth's Yorkies for an opinion.

  5. The Illumipuppy. I seriously love that title. We need to make a logo and send out a call for true fans of sci-fi to join "The Illumipuppy"!!!


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